Internal Affairs Agent : Hang on ! (zooms in with binoculars)
This is one screwed-up crew…
Special Agent Derrick Vann (Samuel L. Jackson) : Alright… just so that there’s no confusion, here’s the deal : you’re in my world now not yours and in my world your responsibilities begin and end with me.
Andy Fidler (Eugene Levy): And what would these responsibilities be ?
Special Agent Derrick Vann : Well these guys think you want to badgun from them. I need you to meet them one more time and set up a bass so I can bust their ass.
Andy Fidler : Okay, I… I.. I’m developing a slight phobia about meeting these guys. The whole meeting thing, quite franky, is getting irritating – I have to be honest.
Look, I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do. Why can’t I go ? Why does any of this have to do with me ???
Special Agent Derrick Vann : Because everytime these guys meet somebody new, they look out for the man. And you, most certainly do not look like the man.
Andy Fidler : Oooh I don’t look like the man… well thank you because that clears up… absolutely nothing ! Who… who’s the man ?
Special Agent Derrick Vann : The he, the pig, the poh-poh, 5-0, the undercover agent that’s gonna bust their ass ! You’re such a white ray son of a bitch these assholes trust you !
Andy Fidler : Well, you know, people do trust me.
Special Agent Derrick Vann : That’s not a compliment shit-stained !
Andy Fidler : Okay, you know what ? Why do you swear so much ? Do you think it makes you sound tougher ? When you just swear all the time ?
Special Agent Derrick Vann : Fuck you.
Andy Fidler : Okay that’s good. That’s really good. Really quality.
You know I could go around all day saying “f*** you”, “f*** this” and “f*** that” and “f***ing this, you motherf****r” but I don’t because there has to be some civility in the world.
So really there’s a trick you can use to curb that habit : everytime you feel like saying the f word just go ahead and say it and then add “crying out loud” :
“Fuck crying out loud”.
“Fock crying out loud”.
“Fock crying out loud”.
And before you know it, you’re saying “ooooh, for crying out loud”.
– The Man
