Larry’s Proverbs

wisdom 300

Some of Larry’s proverbs, sent to me via email last week :

A day without sunshine is like night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Declaration of Literary Independence photo

American Literature: a Declaration of Literary Independence

  1. Puritanism : a New World Vision
  2. An authentically American Literature
  3. American Literature: a Declaration of Literary Independence
  4. The American Renaissance
  5. American Modernism in literature

Washington Irving: evolution, nostalgia and imaginary compensation

Irving was not under the influence of sentimentalism or romanticism, the two big influences of that time. In a way, he was the perfect incarnation of the American early literary development. He was a figure of literary transition in a society where American literature was still a hybrid.

Irving’s artistic opinions and his style changed dramatically over time but we can detect certain opinions and thematic elements that dominate his early as well as his later works.

One of the most important things about Irving is the nostalgic consciousness of change and the evanescence of things and people. This melancholic sensibility is to be found in all his works.

Other distinctive aspects of Irving’s writings are:

  • The transformation of material reality through fantasy and imagination. Such a transformation allows the author to represent reality as a fable.
  • The use of humour: human enterprises as trivial and ridiculous (cynicism and bitterness).
  • The use of sentimentalism to describe scenes and characters.

On the whole, Irving emphasizes narration and description rather than analysis and criticism. This choice can be explained for he did not consider his prose as an expression of political or cultural positions (consciously).

Irving started his literary career writing satirical pieces of journalism about the New York cultural and social scene, especially about the Theater circles. We can see that his humour and his early satire were a collage of rational criticism, nonsense humour and irony.

In his satirical works, he turned all human beings into fools including the writer himself: that’s self-reference (makes funny comments about himself as a writer), a very modern way of writing.

He gave full expression to the sense of his satires and historiographies (history in a novel or historical books); it showed his sharp sense of satire.

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Top 50 phrases you'd like to say to your hierarchy photo

Top 50 phrases you’d like to say to your hierarchy

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…

8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

10. Ahhh… I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.

14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

39. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

40. You assign me one more action item and I’m going to show you why I play with those WWF figurines…

41. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

42. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

43. Imagine this; I will win and you will lose. Do we need to go on?

44. I see that this is the collection point for the freaks and weirdoes.

45. You! Off my planet!

46. The less you bother me, the sooner we’ll get results.

47. Of course I don’t look busy…I did it right the first time!

48. Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

49. The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

50. You can have it right or you can have it now, but you can’t have it right now.