It’s been a while since the last vocab round-up so here goes : essential additions for the workplace and/or pub vocabulary for 2008 :
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than by working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who is completely clueless. From the World Wide Web error message ‘404 Not Found’ (meaning that the requested document, like the person’s brain, could not be located.)
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing wind while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.
GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
FRIENDILIGENCE : The amount of time it takes to maintain friend requests on social networks such as MySpace and Facebook.
PREHAB: A program to prevent young stars from behaving inappropriately.
EARJACKING: Eavesdropping on a conversation.
GINORMOUS : Combination of gigantic and enormous.
AEROPLANE BLONDE : One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.
SALAD DODGER : An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
SWAMP-DONKEY : A deeply unattractive person.
TESTICULATING : Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
GOING FOR A McSHIT : Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.
MONKEY BATH : A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: “Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!”.
MYSTERY BUS : The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI : The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10 Pinter in your bed instead.
BEER COAT : The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am .
BEER COMPASS : The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.
BREAKING THE SEAL : Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
TART FUEL : Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
Which one gets your vote ?